We can talk later, I promise. delivered. 9:02am

Okay, just let me know when. read. 9:04am

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My mind races toward the next checkmark on my list. Refusing to take the time to process what I have just committed to. Another commitment. It’s just one more.

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I am free after 4. read. 11:18am

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I rearrange my mind over and over again ranking by highest priority. As the hours move by, I realize my list is longer than the day. I bounce location to location, never stopping.

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Hey. read. 2:50pm

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I answer every question with yes because I cannot take the time to process another explanation. I continue to take shortcuts in the effort of saving time. Time is spent, not saved.

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Hi, sorry I was at rehearsal, give me a minute and we can talk. delivered. 5:37pm

Sounds good. read. 5:39pm

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The sun falls on the earth around me. Why is it so loud in here when everyone around me is so quiet? Rearrange. Yes. Sure. It’s just one more. I cannot think straight with all this noise.

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Sorry I need 20 minutes, then we can talk. I promise. I forgot I had a meeting. delivered. 6:20pm

okay. read. 6:24pm

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My brain overwhelms itself and begins to smoke. There is a haze over my thoughts. It clouds my vision. I hope they cannot see it. I stop replying to their questions. I don’t have time.

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What are you doing? delivered. 8:03pm

Going to bed. I open. read. 8:12pm

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I know I have done wrong. I know I am ruining things. My brain sputters as I start my next task. It doesn’t have the power to understand the gravity of what I have done.

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I’m sorry, goodnight. delivered. 8:20pm

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I struggle to sleep for hours only to start my day again. My brain is not refreshed. The haze is thicker. The thoughts are faster. My list has been lost in the night. I am ruining me.

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What are you doing? delivered. 12:29pm

Working. I am off in 15 minutes. read. 1:01pm

That’s right, I forgot. delivered. 1:12pm

Okay, I was going to see if you wanted to call but I am headed to the shop. delivered. 1:12pm

I’ll let you know when I leave. delivered. 1:13pm

Okay. read. 1:23pm

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I try to show I am trying. It fails over and over. I am really just showing I am available when it is convenient for me. I didn’t want to become this person. Yet. I have.

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I understand you’re busy but please can we talk? I need to talk. read. 9:54pm

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I knew this was coming. I could only faulter on so many promises before I became a liar. My brain weeps for me because it knows it cannot help me here.

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Hi sorry. I am free after 2 tomorrow. I promise. delivered. 11:36pm

I will make that work. read. 7:43am

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I make the call. We talk and listen. It lasts an hour. I cut it short. I have to go. I have to run. I have another commitment. I have caused harm. I cannot process this. I must move on.

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I’m sorry I had to go. Can we talk again tomorrow? delivered. 2:14pm

Can we? read. 2:17pm

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I have conveyed my busyness over and over. It does not matter. There are no excuses for the lack of empathy. Time ticks by and my thoughts run dry. I take a breath and I pick up the phone.

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I am so sorry. delivered. 8:56pm

I know I continue to mess up but please know I am trying. delivered. 8:56pm

I just have so much going on, I can’t even think straight. delivered. 8:56pm

I am so sorry. Please. I am just so busy out of my mind. delivered. 8:56pm

I don’t know what to do. I have gone too far. delivered. 8:57pm

I cannot stop. My career, my life is on the line. delivered. 8:57pm

I need help and I do not know how to ask. You know I’m not good at that. delivered. 8:57pm

I am sorry for the empty promises and I am sorry I keep saying sorry. delivered. 8:57pm

I need to call you. delivered. 10:12pm

I need you. Please. delivered. 11:39pm

I’m sorry. delivered. 12:23am​